Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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