its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize