did you get engaged???
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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