So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i drank out of a bidet.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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