you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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