Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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