I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
