I saw his package. It spoke to me.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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