someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize