PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
