please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize