very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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