You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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