well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
