Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
