i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
