My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
