My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
