I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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