it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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