Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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