it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
