Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
