My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
