i just identified you from a description of your pipe
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
