I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
