He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
