just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize