Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
