I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
