I could make wine with my vomit
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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