We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
