he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
