She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize