So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
