o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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