I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
