my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
NoShamevember. You game?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
