I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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