Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
