I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
