Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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