...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
