I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
