He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
