i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
