you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
