So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Randomize
