Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
