I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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