Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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