Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
