There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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