This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
