Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
