I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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