what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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