The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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