Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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