Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
