planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Enjoy the penises
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
