it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
did i walk over a car last night?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
