Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
