Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
