Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
