A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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